Welcome to the January 8, 2019 edition of the Canucks’ Father Power Rankings.
This is a power ranking of Canucks’ fathers based on their performances in Canucks media productions. These aren’t traditional power rankings in the sense that I won’t be giving a complete list from top to bottom, but instead I will be discussing the top 5 dads, 5 wildcard dads, and 5 dads I’d like to see more of.
There are two main reasons for this structure rather than a simple top-to-bottom ranking:
1) With some players moving up and down from Utica, it becomes difficult to say which dads are eligible for inclusion.
2) I simply could not in good conscience list any father in last place. This policy may change if Cody Hodgson returns to the team.
I plan for this to be a bi-annual exercise with 2 main installments: a Father’s trip edition and a Father’s day edition. This schedule may be revised depending on how much dad-related content the Canucks put out.
While I do take into account all performances since October, please consider this piece to be a belated reflection on the October father’s trip. Without further ado, let’s get into it.
Dads I’d like to see more of:
As the title suggests, these are some dads that we’ve seen hints of but need to see more.
Number 5: Peder Nilsson
This is more of a lament than anything. By losing the Nilsson the Canucks also lost his dad, who Ben Hutton described as “the most jacked, fit dad” on the team. As you can see in the photo, the guy is an absolute tank. How do the Canucks expect to keep Pettersson safe if they keep losing size like this?
Number 4: Bob Schaller
Tim Schaller may be a depth acquisition but his dad is not. I have a lot of love for Bob’s thick New England accent. There’s something about the way he says “we got a lotta squirrels in New Hampshire” that makes me want to see more of this guy.
Number 3: Wayne Gudbranson
Erik’s father is the CEO of a firm working in tech industry analysis. He’s got erudite and fairly articulate to boot, so I’d like to see more of this guy, but we’ve only seen a few clips of him. His joke, “the graveyards are all full; people are dying to get in” was pretty good.
Number 2: Brent Sutter
The Sutter family is basically hockey royalty in Canada, and so seeing Brent on the father’s trip alongside the rest of the dads was unique and also kind of funny. So many of the backstage amenities would mean absolutely nothing to him, and you wonder how much time he spent answering questions about the good old days from all the other dads.
Number 1: Mr. Goldobin
Nikolai Goldobin’s father didn’t join on the annual father’s trip because “Russia too far.” I won’t speculate on what actually kept him away, but management clearly has an issue with Russian dad acquisition and development. This is concerning, to say the least.
The Wildcards:
These are dads that have made a really strong impression this season, showing off unique character and making the case that they could jump into the top 5 at any moment.
Number 5: Doug Gaudette
Again, I’m a sucker for any New England accent. I’m also a sucker for a good story, and the pure joy in Doug’s face on the father’s trip couldn’t be beat. “This is just unbelievable, we kinda pinched each other a couple times yesterday” he said of the father’s trip. “How do you like them apples?” he also probably said of Adam’s 104 career assists at Northeastern University.
Keep an eye on this guy to climb the rankings over the coming years. The future is bright.
Number 4: Mike Tanev
Cool as a cucumber, just like his son. Something of a regular over the years, Mike makes an understated but essential contribution to the team. He might not have the offensive flash of some of the others (he couldn’t think of a dad joke on the spot, saying instead “I guess I’m the joke”), but his defensive acumen is unrivaled: his immediate reaction to a goal in Vegas was to say “these guys after a goal, they’re gonna come hard. We’ve gotta go that way.” A perennially-underrated pillar of this core.
Number 3: Peter Stecher
You’ve got to love a local story, and Troy’s dad is no different. Like Mike Tanev, Peter didn’t have a dad joke prepared for the Canucks’ media segment but instead said “I’m the joke.” I would suggest that this is the most dad joke of all, since we saw two different dads independently think of it on the spot. Good team chemistry and a gracious attitude land Peter firmly in the wildcard tier.
Number 2: The Stranger
I’m not even sure if he’s a dad or not, but this fella in a nice cowboy hat kept popping up in the footage of the Canucks’ father’s trip. He’s sipping Gatorade instead of sarsaparilla, but something tells me this Stranger has one heck of a tale to tell.
Number 1: Travis Green
The only thing keeping Travis Green out of the top 5 is the fact that he isn’t actually the father of an active Canuck. But he is a father in real life, and I have immense respect that as someone raising a child with autism he has been very candid and active at various Canucks Autism Network events.
Furthermore, I love Green as a coach, and a coach is kind of like the dad of a team. Growing up my soccer coach definitely felt like a father to me. Granted, he was also my biological father. But I digress.
Top Five Dads
Alright, here’s where it gets good. The top five was damn difficult, and even a slight to my analytical model could see these in totally different order, but here’s where we land today.
Number 5: Rainer Virtanen
Jake’s family comes across as very mild-mannered and charming. Rainer almost has a Bill Hader quality to him, which stands out to me amongst hockey dads. He’s also a local boy. But what really pushes Rainer into the top 5 is that supposedly he personally advised Jake to be ready to counter-hit Kronwall, which was the best part of Jake’s best game last season.
Number 4: James Hutton
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, as evidenced by the charisma of James Hutton. All I really need to show you to make the case for James is 1:59 to 2:05 of the Canucks Father’s trip. First he’s all animated, cracking the boys up beside the bus, and then boom – camera cuts to him front and center with a brewskie. Legend.
Number 3: Torbjorn Pettersson
Calm and collected on the outside, Torbjorn’s molten core erupts any time you see Petey light the lamp. Look at him here, resplendent in a leather jacket, pumping his fist after Pettersson scores the Le Mat championship-winning goal. Oi oi oi.
Just a great performance from a consummate professional – driven home with that signature Pettersson flair.
Number 2: Duke Boeser
On any given night, Duke Boeser might top this list. He enjoyed a long stretch at number one following Boeser’s first game in the NHL, when he read the opening lineup to the squad.] The perseverance and bravery of Duke Boeser are both well-documented and are by all accounts instrumental in making Brock the man he is today.
Brock lists Duke as his hero in this underrated promo video from back in highschool in which he also says bananas are his favourite food starting with “B.” As the hero of a young man who is becoming the hero of kids across the province, Duke Boeser reminds us of what is important.
Number 1: Tim Horvat
Really, was there ever any doubt?
Channeling his inner Kyle Wellwood, Tim Horvat cheers like a man possessed for not just Bo, but every single Canuck. He was mic’d up during the father’s trip and is also in attendance at most Canucks games in Ontario, Detroit and Buffalo, frantically chewing up and talking up the seats around him.
An absolute tour de force, Tim is as much a workhorse in the stands as Bo is a workhorse on the ice. His infectious passion for the team propels him to first on this list just as his voice propels hoots and hollers from the seats the the ice. Tim Horvat is a Ford F150 covered in Canucks flags in the shape of a man. All we can really do is behold him.
That wraps up this edition of the bi-annual Canucks Dad Power Rankings. If you are interested in how these rankings are compiled, proprietary data and modeling is available by subscribing to my Patreon. Finally, I’d like to emphasize that these rankings are by no means definitive. They should be seen as a catalyst for discussion of dads on the team and dads in general.
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